The Fork

Yesterday, I posted a bit about having two choices in front of us in regards to adoption.  I think what's so irritating is that I can go from 100% committed in one direction to being 100% committted the other direction in the span of a few days.  On Monday of last week, we were completely ready to do the foster care route.  I had even inquired about a few waiting children, just wanting to see if I could find out any more and get an idea of if what we were looking for was out there.  I contacted an agency to see about writing our homestudy and while talking with them, had the worker suggest their domestic adoption program.   I knew about their program but didn't think we qualified based on applying with them years ago and being told that without documented infertility our chances of being selected by their birth familie was very slim.  We were essentially discouraged from using them.  However, according to the worker I spoke with on Monday, they have since changed their policies.  So, after sharing that information with D, we talked and decided that perhaps that was the best choice for us, especially if we went thinking we would only pursue that option for a set number of months and if we weren't selected within that time frame, we'd reconsider what we were doing.  And then on Sunday, while driving to church, I remembered Leanna.  I had inquired about her a few weeks ago, thinking she probably had some medical special needs, and hoping that if I told a case worker that we had an old homestudy that they might give us more information on what those needs were.  The case worker confirmed medical needs but could not share anymore than that without a valid homestudy.  And then she emailed something to the effect of "When you get your homestudy done, please inquire again.  I do not anticipate having a home for Leanna any time soon."  It's those words "anytime soon" that are killing me.  No child should be in that category.  I know nothing about this child or whether our family could meet her needs.  But it certainly makes me want to know for certain that we couldn't. 

And that is what make the fork in the road hard.  If we decide to pursue a domestic infant adoption, the agency is very strict about their potential adoptive families being committed only to their agency.  As it stands right now, we could not inquire about Leanna (or other similar situations) and be on the domestic infant waiting list.  You cannot put your hat into multiple rings.  So that leaves us feeling like we have to commit one way or another.  Praying that perhaps there will be a way to be a part of a domestic adoption program and still be able to find out information on waiting children without formally committing to being considered as prospective adoptive parents...