Thursday, August 28, 2008

Politics Smolitics

Aren't we all excited about the Democratic National Convention? (Anyone who has a tv that does not have cable knows the answer to that. With only 3 or 4 channels to choose from, the answer is a resounding NO.) And apparently John McCain is going to announce his running mate soon. (Maybe tomorrow or tonight. I think the anticipation is killing me! Just kidding.)

So far, I haven't really done much research on any of the Presidential candidates because of the my state's position in the primaries. We hold our primary so late in the primary season that anyone who wants to vote in the primary really doesn't have much say because the actual nomination is usually already secured. I'm also registered as an independent so I don't get to vote in primaries anyway.

Tonight, there was quite a bit of hubub about who John McCain would choose so D started doing some research online. We did find a website that I thought was fairly impartial and based on facts like voting records and quotations. The website, On the Issues, did not appear to be put out by any political party or special interest group. It listed each candidate and their positions on many important issues. At the very bottom of the page was the part I found most helpful. It had a table with statements like "A woman has a right to an abortion" on one side followed by a rating like "strongly opposes" or "agrees". The second side contained a summary of their voting record and comments which then linked the record or the comment to the way in which it either supported or denounced the original statement. It does look like the website hasn't been updated in a while so I hope they do. But I also kind of feel like anything any candidate has said or voted on in the last year and a half really doesn't count because it was probably a calculated decision based on what he thought would appeal to voters.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A gift for my husband: He Qi

This August, D and I celebrated 9 years of marriage. D's 30th birthday is also coming up in September. And D's mom's birthday would have been August 3. I wanted to get D something good for all of those events, something that would celebrate my appreciation for the things he loves and something that would also remind him of his mom in positive ways. I have been wanting to buy him a piece of original art for a long time. (All the original art in our house is that which was created by my husband.) So this August, I did some searching and bought D this limited edition giclee print.

It seemed perfect. D's mom loved angels and the resurrection story is such a sweet reminder of our own reunion with Jesus. The print itself has such vivid colors. I also love the thick black lines and the Picasso like faces.

I found the print from a website which works to help Christian artists, Missionary Arts. One of the main ways it does so is by creating an outlet for missionaries to sell their work as a means of raising support. Christian artists can also sell their work to support specific ministries.

He Qi is the artist who created this piece. He is a Chinese artist who is world reknown for his paintings and prints. I know several of you who read this have adopted or are adopting Chinese children and personally I think his work would be great for your families because of the way he allows his heritage to be proudly interwoven into his art. Many of his pieces have Bible characters portrayed as Asians. It's very unique; I've never seen an Asian rendition of Jesus until I looked at his work. And he has a very beautiful picture of Moses being found in the water which has the court women wearing kimonos. It has great water lily type tones of green and blue. And the best part is that it's good art! He uses line and color and perspective as well as some great abstract/cubist thinking. Anyway, he's definitely worth checking out.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Adoption Update-Kenson

We are currently in the Haitian office called MOI. We received word today that our long form as been filled out. For those of you who don't speak Haitian-adoptese that means that yet another document has been filled out by our adoption processor. The Haitian government will then check and recheck this document (against what I'm not sure) but they are looking for any mistakes like mistakes on the birth certificate, mistakes on our adoption decree, etc.. If there are no mistakes, a letter is then written which authorizes the child's passport to be printed. This letter is then taken to Immigration for the passport to be issued. We are hopeful that MOI will find no mistakes in our file and that we will fly out of the MOI office quickly. But as with all things Haitian, there really is no time frame for how long we will be waiting until our documents are approved and sent over to the passport office. Generally, most waits in MOI have been around 4 months, which we have been there somewhere between 2-3 months already. We'll see...hopefully we find out Kenson has a passport soon.

Unfortunately, there is another step after that: getting a US visa. I feel like we're a bit behind on that but there really isn't much I can do about it. Our main concern stems from having an appointment for Kenson's birth mom where she meets with US Immigration. We have not yet been given permission to schedule this appointment. Again, hopefully soon we'll be hearing the news that we can schedule her appointment.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Adventures in Purse Making

I found this really cute fabric at Wal-Mart last weekend. It's more African than Haitian but a lot of it could be Haiti. Small naked bums and easy access to roosters-definitely Haitian. Anyway, I've been wanting to try my hand a purse making for a while so this fabric seemed like something I could make a purse out of. I was not overally thrilled with the pattern I used because parts of it were written really poorly. I ended up doing several sections not according to the pattern because the pattern was really wrong and had you leaving edges unfinished. I'm anxious to try a different purse pattern and see if I like it any better. Anyway, here' s my new Haitian babies purse. It does have some beads in between the patchwork part and the top edge but they're a bit hard to see in the photo. I may go back and add some more; we'll see.

Friday, August 22, 2008

God Cracks Me Up

For this post to make sense, make sure you've read my earlier post from tonight.

I just started the book The Shack. If you haven't heard about the book, a lot of people are reading it and giving it high praises. The book tells the story of a family devestated by the unsolved disappearance of their little girl. In the story, the father is invited back to the scene of the crime, the shack. The invitation comes in an unstamped envelope in the mail and is signed "Papa." The father goes and encounters God in the shack in some very unusual but intensely personal ways. Through his experience at the shack, the father gets to ask God his questions about God's character including how God can allow such bad things to happen in life.

Here are the words I read tonight that just totally stood out to me in light of the conversation I had with God this morning. The father in the book asks God what good could possibly justify his daughter's disappearance. God's response? I am not here to justify it; I am here to redeem it.

Thanks God for cracking me up! For using the same exact words in two distinct ways to remind me of what You've said and what Your character is always about.

Praise God that He will not justify our wait, Kenson's wait, or Conleigh's wait. He will redeem it!

God and Me 10-Perspective

This week I've spent a lot of time thinking about perspective, specifically God's perspective. There are times when I honestly can't see the forest for the trees and get so consumed by my own perspective on a given situation that I just get lost in that. Today I was thinking a lot about kids and parents and how perspective works in that kind of a relationship. Kids are great at having one sided perspective because that's the way they're wired. Developmentally, kids are often not able to see something from someone else's view point. That's why kids say things like "Look at that!" rather than "Look at that squirrel in that tree!" They don't understand that you have no idea of what they are talking about unless they are more specific. It's also why kids must be taught how to empathize with their friends and family; it's not in their nature to recognize how saying "Wow! Your Grandma is so fat!" might be hurtful to Grandma and their friend. And when it comes down to being disciplined, kids often feel like they're being treated unfairly because they can only see their short sided view of things. It seems unfair to them that you won't let them develop certain habits like running everywhere they go or yelling at the top of their lungs because they can't see how those things could possible be harmful to them later on. Instead, kids can often view adult restrictions as only that: restrictive. And teenagers are especially good at this. When you add together this short sided, me centered attitude with the viewpoint of "My parents know nothing", you end up with teenagers who feel like their parent's rules are pointless and frustrating.

This week though I've thought a lot about how I might be a lot like a little kid or an belligerent teenager because I also have a perspective problem. I can't see things the same way God sees them. I've thought about God's perspective in terms of global poverty because of a web based movement called Living Faith Can End Poverty. I've wondered what the spiritual impact of ending poverty might be, ie does God think poverty is as terrible as we see it because He recognizes how faith is stirred in people who have nothing? I've thought about God's perspective in terms of writing short term mission support letters because a blog I read, Stuff Christians Like, published a satiral look at short term mission support letters and if they were appropriate. That post on the blog got a lot of feedback with many people loosing sight of the big picture and discussing how they would support someone who sent them a letter but only if the letter were worded in specific ways. I couldn't help but wonder what God thought of that performance based standard. On both issues, I would never pretend to know what God really thinks because I really don't know. (And on the poverty issue, don't think I'm advocating we all sell our stuff because the poor have a monopoly on faith or that I would support the idea that it really isn't that rotten to be poor because you get the chance to be really spiritually rich, because I don't believe either of those.)

And I also have spent time wondering what God thinks of Kenson and Conleigh's wait. That's something I always think about and, since the beginning, I have always tried to view the wait through God's eyes. For me, the wait has definitely gotten a lot more intense in the last two months. And that added intensity has made for a lot more tears and a lot more weakness on my part. It's interesting because always before when I talked with God about what He thought about the wait, the response I always seemed to get was more along the lines of "Keep the faith. Don't let the wait dishearten you. I will follow through on this." But today, it was different. Today, I heard "The wait makes me mad. It makes me hurt to know that the paperwork is done but the process is still not finished. But I promise to redeem the wait."

May my perspective in all things be Yours, O God. In my prayers, in my needs, in my confusion, in my hurts, may I see what You see and how You've already got a plan in place.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Kindergarten-Day 5

Kindergarten Update-D has come down with some allergy related gunk and has unfortunately been suffering with a drippy drippy nose. Today,Friday, a kindergartener told him that his runny nose was apparently caused by sleeping without socks on. So I'm guessing I better send D to bed tonight with several pairs of socks on; maybe multiple layers will increase the effectiveness of the cure!

The title above sums up my day yesterday. (Or at least part of my day.) I subbed in kindergarten from 8:15-11:20 on the fifth day of school. For those of you who don't know there are many analogies that could be said about doing anything with a class of kindergarteners the first few days of school. Herding cats on horseback...squeezing a full tube of toothpaste back into a tube....wrestling a half dozen alligators while herding cats and squeezing toothpaste back into the tube. All are pretty appropriate descriptions of what happens when kindergartens start school. Generally speaking, in our school, you've got scared, nervous, excited, confused five year olds many of whom have never sat down in an academic setting. You teach everything as if no one knows how to do it. You teach how to sit on the floor and not bother your neighbor. You teach how to get up and get in a line not a clump. You teach how to hold scissors. You teach how to turn the paper when you're trying to cut with scissors. You teach the names of the colors in English and Spanish and then spend extra time with the Chinese kid because he is totally lost. (Seriously part of my day yesterday.)

And you get to see and hear so much. Like "Ta dah! I just wrote my name!" And "My favorite color is lleloh!" (Not politically correct to chuckle at speech lisps but seriously, it's very cute.)

I also had the pleasure of explaining to these new kindergarteners what a substitute teacher was. If you haven't really worked with kids before, you might not understand how confusing that is. There are always a few kids even in first grade who wonder if their real teacher is coming back. But not to worry, as I'm explaining that their teacher would indeed be back after lunch, one little girl decided she better voice her concerns about the teacher's absence. "Are you funny?" she asked. Good to know what kindergarteners worry about. Hope I left her with her worries at bay.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Butterfly Dancing

Our zinnias and cosmos have really brought in the butterflies this year. Since I've had quite a bit of free time this last week, I thought I'd try to photograph them. Butterflies are so mesmorizing. Butterflies remind me of the pace of a beating heart, a delicate and shimmering ball gown, and the broad brush strokes of modern art, all rolled into one. I also think that taking the time to watch them and to try to photograph them is good for the soul. You have to slow down and take your time, two things which don't come naturally for me.

If God is nature
Or encompasses nature
Or created nature
Then one must use nature
To converse with God
Dancing with butterflies
And listening to seashells
And burning bushes
-Larry Jaffe

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Two Quarters Quotes-August

On faith...

I think that Christianity has two emphases.

One is a social emphasis to impart the values of the kingdom of God in society - to relieve the sufferings of the poor, to stand up for the oppressed, to be a voice for those who have no voice.

The other emphasis is to bring people into a personal, transforming relationship with Christ, where they feel the joy and the love of God in their lives. That they manifest what the fifth chapter of Galatians calls 'the fruit of the Spirit'.

Fundamentalism has emphasized the latter, mainline churches have emphasized the former.We cannot neglect one for the other."-Tony Campolo

On prayer...

Prayer lays hold of God’s plan and becomes the link between His will and its accomplishment on earth. Elisabeth Elliot

On living with others...

Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by the accidents of time, or place, or circumstances, are brought into closer connection with you. Augustine of Hippo

I have come to realize more and more that the greatest disease and the greatest suffering is to be unwanted, unloved, uncared for, to be shunned by everybody, to be just nobody (to no one). Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Friday, August 15, 2008

God and Me 9-The Mission of Motherhood

Right now, I'm reading The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. I'm about halfway through it. My brain has been thinking lots about the ideas she puts forth on parenting. One thing I've really taken from it is discipline as a model for the sin, repentence, forgiveness, grace aspect of our relationship with God. A lot of times discipline gets listed as a wrong behavior vs. right behavior. (Which it is.) But when we stop at this description, we fall short of modeling the way God deals with us as people who sin. Parents need to encourage their children to claim the wrong behavior, to feel badly for it and ask God for forgiveness, to ask others who were hurt because of it for forgiveness, and then to show grace and forgiveness. Parents also need to follow this model when they sin especially when they do so in front of their kids. It all sounds so simple but I know that in the heat of the moment, it is truly hard to do.

I also have been thinking about parenting from an attachment standpoint and recognize how D and I will be parenting children who, for all of our love and affection, will possibly always have a piece of them that wonders "Why wasn't I good enough to stay with my birth mom?" Parenting a child who may struggle with attachment is different but it certainly doesn't mean you don't discipline. But I know I've already had some worries about knowing what to do to deal with the attachment part while disciplining. As a teacher, discipline comes relatively easy to me. I've had to be creative, I've been forced to keep my cool rather than just blow up, I've had lots of difference experiences with lots of different children. But the attachment aspect of it is a bit overwhelming to me. Generally, I worry about doing things right and parenting is no different. It's so easy for me to think that because I did x instead of y my child will be scarred for life.

But this book puts focus on grace, which I love. I've always done that as a teacher, even when disciplining in a public school. Grace is so important for my kids to receive. Grace that doesn't overlook bad behavior but loves them in spite of it. Grace that tells them "No matter what, you are always precious to God not because of what you do or did but because of Whose you are." Grace that chases them and pursues them even when they push away and run for cover.

I also liked the way grace was applied to parents who have failed or made mistakes. Something I read this week from this book was that children don't need perfect parents, just authentic ones. As someone who can get a bit stuck in perfection mode, this was encouraging to me. I will make mistakes as a parent but it's up to me to make sure those mistakes honor God and teach my child about God. I love that God will not let even my worst moments go to waste. The idea of dealing with my sin in front of my children in a honest authentic way helps me to see how those mistakes can be used by God for good.

The author also spoke of the role of the Holy Spirit in discipline which I have to say I had really not thought of. Again, it's a simple concept but one I just hadn't really considered. She wrote that it is not a parent's job to convict a child of his mistakes. That job belongs only to the Holy Spirit. Are parents responsible for guiding a child to hear the Holy Spirit? Certainly. Are parents responsible for telling them what the Bible says about a specific behavior, thus imparting Godly wisdom to their children? Definitely. But parents cannot make a child repent. I can make a child feel badly. I can make a child feel scared. I can make a child not want to do something again for fear of punishment. But only God can affect their heart. For me, that was reassuring. It's not all up to me to make sure my kids turn out right. God will work on their hearts, if I let Him.

Okay, this is a bit long. I hadn't really realized how much I had been in thought about until I started typing. As far as the book goes, it would be on my recommend to others list. For me it has helped me connect the ideals I've had in my head about how I want to raise my kids with some concrete examples of things I can do. The author has also written another book called The Ministry of Motherhood which I'm also planning to read. Hopefully it will a productive read as well.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

School Time

Today is D's first day of school with kids. I was going to get up and make him a hot breakfast but he was going to leave earlier than normal and said he probably wouldn't have time. Maybe another day. D didn't actually have kids today because of the shortened schedule. Since he teaches a special class, the regular classroom teachers felt like they wouldn't have had enough time with their kids if they sent the kids to D for an hour so that gives him more time to finish getting his room ready. D went last week to prepare but managed to find two soccer games going on on two separate days so some of his preparing was interupted by soccer. Hard to imagine with D, I know! Due to a schedule change, D has kindergarten first thing in the morning. If he's not fully awake by the time they come, I'm sure he will be afterwards!

It's also the first first day of school that I have not had to prepare for in quite a while. Not as wierd as I though it would be, although a few weeks ago, I found myself thinking in a craft store "Wow! Those letters would make a great bulliten board." But generally the transition to not teaching full time hasn't been too bad. For those of you who don't know, I'm planning to substitute as much as I can until Kenson comes home. Then I will be able to take as much time as I want off once he arrives. After that, I am thinking I will sub a couple days out of the week, once Kenson seems to be adjusting. That part will probably be a play it by ear situation with lots of flexibility as to when and for how long.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Twilight Zone

I don't know if any other adoptive parents have experienced this but I swear there are sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in an out of body experience. Sometimes, it feels like I have to physically remind myself that I have really committed to adopt my children. There are days when they just don't feel very real. I don't mean that in a bad way, just in a "pinch me because I think I'm dreaming" way. It's easy for me to feel like I've forgotten the simpleness of their faces or the unique parts of them that were designed by God to be a part of only them. Even though we have pictures around our house, there are times when I stop and feel like I need to remind myself exactly what they look like, down to the smallest detail. I have especially felt this way about Conleigh. Perhaps that's because we don't get pictures of her every month like we do of Kenson. Or maybe because we've spent less time with her. I don't know. Anyway, my screen saver has always been set to a slide show of photos which were mostly Kenson with a few of Conleigh's sprinkled in. It was that way because until June we only had a handful of pictures of Conleigh. So now that we have more photos I took time yesterday to redirect the screen saver so it pulls up all of the new pictures we have of Conleigh plus any photos we have of Kenson. I think that has really helped my brain feel like it has started to memorize her features, to know her through pictures. So just because she's so stinking beautiful here's a few of the photos that are now rolling across my computer when it's in screen saver mode.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Currently Blooming...

in our garden are sunflowers, zinnias, and Indian blanketflower. All are very easy to grow (meaning it takes a lot to kill them) and make great cut flower arrangements. The first two are all annuals so you have to plant them every spring right in the soil although sunflowers are very good at self seeding. There's also a white hydrangea in the first photo which is a shrub. This variety is called Annebelle and is a good choice because, unlike, some hydrangeas, it blooms on new growth so you don't have to cover it in the winter to prevent the blooms from getting frozen. I believe it's also considered a native shrub; the sunflower and blanketflower would also be native plants. Native plants are valuable in a garden because they are conditioned to your area's climate and will usually thrive with little or no care. (Again, think hard to kill.)

The uses of crab apples

1. Dog food (Just ask Mia our Lab/Pug mix. She seems to love the ones that have fallen in the yard. She also roots in the ground for grubs so perhaps her opinion isn't to be taken too seriously.)

2. Projectiles in husband/wife warfare (D loves to chuck them at me when we're outside.)

3. Homes for worms (Gross...but true.)

4. Foot massagers (Walk under our crab apple tree barefoot and you'll get the idea)

5. Apple butter (Which I made last night. It's kind of tart and I'm a little disappointed in the way the seeds didn't get as pulverized as I would have liked but still it's pretty tasty.)
From this to this...

Friday, August 8, 2008

Adoption Update-Kenson

On the adoption front, we got updates this week which was initially discouraging. We were told at the end of June that our documents had been submitted to MOI, which is the office that will send for Kenson's passport. We were told that we had probably been in for a few weeks which makes for an early June entry date. We had been asking since then for the confirmation numbers that go with this which we received in our update this week. However, based on those numbers, when you compare them to other numbers given to other families, it looks like we weren't submitted until sometime in July.

This is the part where adoption can make you crazy. You start comparing stuff to other families. You start getting upset. You start freaking out because of the loss of weeks and days. Using a July 1 entry date would put us exiting MOI in November with then hopefully a 3-4 week wait for a visa and then home. Could be slower, could be faster. Parts of this week were hard because we went from an optomistic October homecoming to a probably December homecoming. I was really hoping to hear that our long form in the MOI office had been filled out. Those kinds of updates are the worst; the ones where you are hoping that task x has been accomplished but instead you find yourself further behind than that step.

Our prayers for Kenson's process are that we would exit MOI quickly and that our documents would have no mistakes that would cause things to have to be redone. We also would ask for prayers for Juislene, Kenson's birth mom. She has to go to the US visa office in order for our adoption to be completed. She must have an identification card to get into the building. We have to schedule her appointment but are waiting to hear that she has an id card so we can make the appoinment. Also, this will be the last time (out of at least 3) where she will be stating her desire for Kenson to be adopted. It can not be easy to tell your wishes on such a serious and sad thing.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

God's Quirky Presence

Well, apparently God thinks I need to read from Romans 8 today. When I sat down to do my quiet time today, that's where my Bible was open to. Remembering Romans 8:26-28, I thought that those verses would definitely be comforting to my soul as I've been a bit disappointed about certain things as of late. So I read through those verses and several others from that chapter and then and copied them into my journal, talking a bit with God as I wrote. Then I got home from my training today and read someone's blog. She happened to have a post on waiting and Romans 8:25 just happened to be included. I am so thankful that my God knows what my heart needs to hear, that God shows up in quirky little ways in my life. Wondering what amazing life altering words are in Romans 8:25-28? Here they are...

But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Happy 2nd Birthday!

Lest you think I'm the queen of sorrow and despair, here's some pictures of Kenson from last year on his birthday. A team was in Haiti during his birthday so we got to send a present with them as well as a lovely birthday shirt courtesy of my mother-in-law. We celebrated by sharing cake with our small group from church.

This year, since I was doing a training for my job, I took brownies to the training to share with others. I just added the photo.

Here's Kenson now and as a baby. A bit older looking. Still got his beautiful almond eyes, funky eyebrows, and easy smile.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Birthdays as seen by a waiting heart

Tomorrow is Kenson's 2nd birthday. To be honest, part of me would really like to be throwing a pity party right now. (And realistically, part of me probably is.) It starts to get a bit discouraging and depressing when you think of the realities of what that means. We did not imagine he would be in Haiti at age 2. His second birthday was one of those benchmark dates, one that you start out saying "He will be home before he's two." It then changes to "I'm pretty sure he'll be home before then." And then, you say "He's going to be two before he comes home." We've known for a while that he wouldn't make it home before his birthday. But it doesn't make it right. My heart hopes that somehow God conveys to him the tears that have been shed by his mama and papa over missed birthdays and other missed memories. I pray that he comes to recognize the emotions so many people felt for him while he lived in Haiti, the anger at injustice, the sadness of separation, the hope of his potential. And that statement really wraps up a lot of what it's like to wait. Your heart is filled with lots of really strong emotions but it always seems like you come back to hope.

My prayer for him and any other kiddo that's ever had to miss a birthday celebration-

Lord God, press into their hearts the way they've been yearned for and missed. May they understand with unbelievable accuracy the depth to which their parents and friends hurt over the missing moments. May they recognize that many people chose to celebrate their birthdays because it means celebrating the moment they were born. May they know how others see that day as special because they see that child as special in so many ways. And Lord, may You honor those moments that feel like lost moments. Somehow turn those lost moments into good. Amen.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Finished quilts

I just finished the quilt I've been working on for Conleigh. I've also made one for Kenson. That one has been done for a while now but I'll still put it up for you to see. Enjoy the photos!

(For some reason, this photo wants to post sideways up and down instead of sideways but I think you get the idea.)

Friday, August 1, 2008

Breathing and Cricket Chirps (A Waiting Heart)

Breathing and cricket chirps...those are the sounds of silence. And somehow, even if there isn't a physical silence, it is still possible to hear breathing and cricket chirps in the depths of your heart. People always tell us we have the patience of Job because we have waited for Kenson for so long. But the real truth is that there are times when it has been easier to be patient than others. Now is not an easy time. The closer we've gotten to the end, the harder it's gotten. It is also difficult to wait when you are expecting news. That's been the case all along. There are times when you anticipate being signed out of a specific office or when you expect to have someone tell you something you need to be doing to keep your paperwork moving along. It's the end of the month so our monthly updates on where our dossier is in process should be coming soon. And we are waiting to hear when we can schedule a few things for the visa part of Kenson's adoption. So right now, if I quiet myself and just let myself rest in the place my heart is in, well, it feels like I'm stepping into a cavern with only the sounds of my breathing and a cricket filling up the empty space. Chirp, chirp...hoping for some news soon.