Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Chaos and Change

Last week at MOPS, we had a panel discussion on the topic of legacy and making memories.  My friend, Ellen, was on the panel and her words regarding chaos and change are so timely.   She told the story of asking her own mom how on earth her mom didn't just go crazy with two newly in college daughters and two junior high aged daughters, a deadly combination of two no it alls and two feel it alls.  Her mother's words were that whenever parenting seemed hard, she tried to focus on the fact that those hard things often came right before times of intense growth and success.  So yes, you come home from college and pick at your sister to death but you've also crossed into this amazing success of functioning as an independent adult.  Or yes, you may be an emotional trainwreck who is upset by the smallest things but you've also become such an accomplished pianist.  Those words (and the sweet wise words of Ellen's mother) are wonderful words of hope to any mom who is struggling with their child's behavior.  This time of upheaval can be a time of growth.  

For kids with adoption related struggles, I think in some ways this is even more true.  Because so much of adoption issues revolve around a child's status quo being turned over, where a parent is saying "I love you too much to let you stay this way."  That has to create conflict and chaos not because it is a battle of wills but because it is a battle for the heart of a kid.  In other words, without chaos and conflict there can be no growth, no improvement, no successes.

So when weariness sets in, may we all see that weariness as our child being on the cusp of something big, that if our child can just get over the hurdle, accomplishment lies on the other side.

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