Signs of Spring

Our spring weather has been not so spring like.  Lots of cold, wet days with really late snows.  But this weekend was divine!  Popsicles and dandelion bouquet type weather.  (Actually, any type of weed bouquets.  With an entire tulip, bulb and all too.  When I explained to Conleigh that those were tulips and we needed to leave them in the ground so they could come back every year, she quietly said, "Oh.  I did not realize that.")  We may even end up with grass in our front yard within the next few weeks since the grass guy was just here to put down the seed.

The baby is a...

For all who have been wanting to know...

Pregnancy Update

We've reached the halfway point, something I've really been ready to write since halfway seems like an accomplishment.  (Actually we're a bit past as I should be 21 weeks on Friday.)  The nausea is pretty much gone other than a few moments maybe 3-4 days a week.  I'm so thankful to not have so much time investing in feeling badly, thinking about feeling badly, thinking about eating, etc..  I have really continued to crave healthy stuff.  It feels like I am forever buying produce.  Early on, I think I was eating frozen fruit and Edy's whole fruit popsicles.  Then, I was on a celery and pickles kick.  Now I'm eating a cucumber at least once a day.  Apples have always been good.  I think in total I've maybe gained 6 pounds.  Lest that fool you, my stomach is seriously rearranged and I do look pregnant.  (Can't quite bring myself to post belly shot pictures; just not quite my thing.)  I am having some issues with sciatica type pain in one leg and hip so if you've got any pointers on that, I'll gladly take them.  In terms of doctor's appointments, all has been on track, from measurements to heartbeat.  Today, we're headed in for our first ultrasound.  And I had my friend, Angie, who has a 7 month old who has slept through the night since 2 months old bless my belly with her magic momma hands.  We've started talking names (and of course don't have any we love).  I found some cute crib bedding on Ebay that I ordered and I've been thinking a lot this last week about how we will rearrange and redecorate Conleigh's room to make it work for the baby and her.  (Have to say, I think I'm looking forward to that part.)

A Messy Wound

I have a hurt heart tonight.  Hurt a bit by a kiddo who is hurting.  Hurting for a kiddo who is hurting.  Because adoption is messy stuff.  It is rarely cut and dry, black and white.  

It seems simple enough at first:  I choose to love you because I have love to give and you need love.  Then comes the happily every after.

But then you dig a little deeper and you come to see how deeply the cut is.  It's not that its a gushing, gaping wound.  It's that it is a small incision, one that tears slowly as your kids develop more self awareness, one that reopens because of the words of others, one that festers a bit because of a new experience that caused deep thinking.  

It's a cycle; a wound that scabs and heals and hurts and bleeds.  You, as the parent, are left watching, never quite sure if the tears you see today are just tears or if they are anger or deep sadness, loneliness or guilt, somehow connected to this silent hurt.  

And so the anger and worry comes out.  

It comes out in weird and awkward statements.  "I love her more than I love you."  while you know better than to take it personally and calmly answer,"You know it's not a contest, you don't have to love one of us more."

It comes out in words that prick a little at your heart.  A random "You don't love me!" and your heart twinges and wants to shout back "Oh, yes I do!"

It pours out in anxious tears, in worry filled comments like "What happens if you can't take care of me anymore?" as you count your blessings that you've actually thought this through and can easily tell your child "Well, I hope that never happens but if it did, we've already made a plan."

So my heart hurts.  Because it's a lot for any six year old.  Because it's a lot for any mom.

Helpful Baby Tips from Conleigh

On naming....
Conleigh:  I know what we can call the baby!  Junior!

Me:  Junior?

Conleigh:  Yeah, Junior.  And it's middle name can be Nick.

Me:  Oh really?

Conleigh:  Oh wait!  No, Nick and it's middle name can be Junior!

On gender...
Conleigh:  It better be a girl or I'm going to punch it in the face!

Easter

For Easter, we took a quick trip to my mom's.  We visited my friend, Laura, where Zeke terrorized her chickens and cats.  And then it was on to Mom's.  Where Zeke continued his habit of wreaking havoc with the small animals.  For Easter day, we went to church and ate lunch and supper with my aunt and uncle before heading home.

Aunt Sheree rescuing David, the turtle, from Zeke's havoc.  At Thanksgiving, it was Zeke and Sienna throwing toys into the turtle container.  This go round, no Sienna and Quinn though he was being clever by putting a screen over the enclosure.  Somehow, though, David managed to get an extra helping of meal worms.

Checking for candy or "bunny", also known as money.  Zeke had a great time so we thought he might like to hunt for more eggs.  We took the empty eggs and put a few of them out again, but once he realized there was nothing in them, he would just throw them down disgustedly.

Zeke and Grandma 2

NU Spring Red and White Game

D took Kenson to the annual Red and White Game this Saturday as a special treat.  I think they only made it halfway through before Kenson was hungry and bored but nevertheless, Kenson had fun and so did D.