Vision for 2011

Many time the focus of a new year becomes goals and resolutions.  While I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, I do wonder how well that meshes with the spiritual discipline of yieldness.  Of course, God could be convicting you and using a goal or a resolution to do so.  But in my own life, setting goals often ends up as me setting out on my own and creating a list of things I would like to accomplish.  And rarely do.  So maybe that's why I don't gravitate towards goals and resolutions.  It's easier to not attempt than to attempt and fail.  (Don't you like how that sounds like some kind of backwards motivation quotation.) 

For me, it's that running ahead of God thing, where I embark on some grand adventure and may invite Him to travel with me instead of waiting and catching the vision God has for me.  I am a visionary personality, something I never would have thought but one day during a class in college, as we were talking about leadership traits, my friend Beth pointed this out.  Unfortunately I'm more vision and less practical application.  But I always have grand schemes running through my head.  I am not a details gal.  I am a big picture type thinker and the thought of a whole year ahead of me leaves my mind with much room to dream and wander and plan.

For us, 2011 seems to represent a lot of uncertainty and indecision and waiting.  Our house has still not sold.  We are at a little over 18 months of being on the market.  Moving still seems like it is what God has for our family but it has been a big "not yet."  We will also start the year by celebrating that we are a family of four.  But it leaves us wondering when and how we will grow to a family of five or six or who knows.  And I think that leads us to the biggest uncertainty, our finances.  Thankfully D has a secure job with a set monthly paycheck.  I however do not.  That is of course by design.  But there is a part of me that is wishing that my financial contributions were more consistent.   I love the flexibility substitute teaching affords but I don't love having a paycheck that varies greatly each month.  While I know it is not true, there is a part of me that thinks a better paycheck would make our lives easier.  It would make choice about adding to our family easier.  It would make the decisions about our house easier.  It would make the decisions about our monthly budget easier.  It is one area where I am constantly tip toeing towards the edge of discontentment.

So as I think about the new year that is ahead, I can't help but think of how I want 2011 to be indicative of a desire to do what God wants.   I want our family to move to the town where we work and worship but I have to choose to believe there is some reason why God hasn't allowed this yet.  I want our family to grow but no clear path for how to do that seems to be popping up.  And I want our finances to honor God but I find I struggle with believing that God has a plan to provide for all of our needs.  It represents a year of anticipation, of feeling that you are standing on the brink of something good but not being able to see what that good might be, believing that if God is in the thick of it, it is always a good thing

Yielded...may that be my vision for 2011.