Adoption Fundraising

A few days ago, I posted about my friend who is doing an adoption fundraiser to bring home a daughter from China.  (Last I heard they were several thousand dollar short specifically in the area of travel expenses.)  When I wrote that post, I knew some people would deliberately skip it because they just don't agree with people raising money to do adoptions.  I know that there are a lot of people, from all sorts of backgrounds, who are uncomfortable with the whole fundraising aspect.  I know because I've heard the concerns of people as finances and adoption were discussed.  Comments I've heard have ranged from "If you can't afford to adopt, then you can't afford to have another child.", "That's like asking for someone to pay for you to have another child." and "Do they really need another child?  They already have 1.  (Or 2.  Or 3. Or 5.  Or 7.)"

In some ways, I understand the concerns.  Yes, it is important to be able to feed and clothe your children.  And it is important to be a good steward of the money (and other resources) that God blesses you with.  And I understand that sometimes people simply equate adoption to pregancy or infertility treatments, and that they find it hard to fathom someone asking for financial help with the birth of a child or the medicines/procedures required for a couple experiencing infertility.

But in a lot of ways, adoption is unique.  Financially it is unique in that you are asked to provide money upfront.  Often the amounts due are due in stages but you still must be able to come up with a decent amount of money at each stage.  In other words, you are required to have large lump sumps of cash available over a short period of time.  This is not necessarily indicative of a family's ability to provide for a child over time.  Imagine that in order to get pregnant, your doctor required a sum of several thousand dollar beforehand.  Imagine if at 3 months pregnant you were required for another payment of several thousand dollars.  And at 6 months.  And finally a large lump sum of cash was due before your infant could leave the hospital.  How many families would be able to afford a pregnancy simply by relying on what finances they had in their bank account?  Probably not many.  But the catch is, I'm pretty sure that we would say their inability to pay for the pregnancy was not necessarily indicative of their ability to provide in adequete ways for their children.  Adoption is the same way.

The other concerns often cluster around a belief adoption is the same as a "normal conception" or infertility treatments.   People say that it would be unreasonable for people to raise funds for a pregnancy or treatments and that therefore the same should be true of adoption.  In some ways, I think people often misunderstand adoption fundraising as a belief that "I am entitled to as many children as I want and it is the responsbility of others to help me in my quest."  Honestly, that statement should be a very far cry from the true heart of the adoptive parent.  It is not like a pregnancy, which depending on the parent's beliefs, can be completely about that family's desire for children.  While obviously every adoption should start out of a family's desire to love and care for a child, adoption is not about the right of a parent to have more children.  Instead, it is about the universal right of a child to have a family. 

I think what is often missing from the picture is the ability for people to put aside their own personal convictions so that they can examine what is at the heart of adoptive fundraising.  Adoptive fundraising is about a child joining a family.  A child who may have a living mother and a living father but is in need of more stability and security than that mother and father feel they are able to provide.  It is about not growing up as one of many in an orphange but instead being someone special in someone's wallet.   It is about redemption in it's purest form, an opportunity for God to take a messy, broken situation and create something beautiful.   It's about kids who honestly have no chance becoming kids who have a million chances. 

I know it's hard to put personal convictions aside; we all have our hang ups.  But really, is this a hill someone wants to fight for and defend?  A hill to die on?  Are you willing to preserve your personal convictions while a kid goes to bed without somone tucking him in and kising him good night?  Are you really so certain that your personal convictions are correct that you would risk the ability of a child to grow up never having to be afraid of being homeless or foodless or clothesless? 

Here's my take:  kids finding families trumps personal convictions every time.  If it irks you that people assume you have the money to spare, fine.  If it annoys you because it seems like an interuption into your life, fine.  If it irritates you that someone could consider accepting charity in order give a child a home, fine.  But put it aside for a moment and consider what is the heartfelt, human response to a child without a family.  For a family who sees the needs of that child and has agreed to sacrifice their time, energy, and financial resources to meet those needs.  For a family who may be gifted in ways that you aren't, specifically when it comes to parenting children who come from hard places. 

When I taught first grade I often told my kids "You can be a problem maker or a problem solver."  When it come to adoption fundraising, which one are you?