God and Me-Small Things with Love

The past few weeks, D and I have just been out of sync.  We are usually very "in sync" with each other so it's very frustrating for me when we get out of the rhythm that is naturally who we are as a couple.   I've spent a lot of time pointing out to him all the things he was doing that I didn't like.  I've considered a bit that it might be partially my fault but haven't spent too much time really hanging out with those thoughts.  (I mean, really, who wants to accept partial or full responsibility when they can blame someone else?) 

It's all kind of come full circle in the last few days.  On Friday, My Utmost for His Highest: Selections for Everyday was apparently written just for me.  Oswald Chambers writes about the new heart that must exist in us if we are in Christ.  "What difference has my salvation and sanctifucation made?  For instance, can I stand in light of 1 Corinthians 13, or do I have to shuffle?"

Ugh.  1 Corinthans 13 has become a bit of a family code.  I constantly remind my kids about what love looks like by using verses from that chapter.  And the image of one loitering in the shadows of that verse was one that resonated in my heart.  It's watching myself shift around in order to avoid the light which might remind me of how unloving I can be.  It's thinking about what might be seen if my love were thrust into a spotlight that illuminates those powerful words, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

The truth is I don't think I really realized how stressed my husband is feeling and how that stress was affecting his actions.  He's sick. (Stayed home from work two days last week.)  That's also making him very tired.  And he's got a lot on his plate the next few weeks as he has mid term grades due sometime soon, an art show, bulletin boards that need changed, and starting soccer weighlifting/conditioning.  In addition to that, he is feeling a lot of pressure with his grandmother.  There are a lot concerns about her living at home alone and her health.  D and his brother are essentially her own living relatives and D's brother is in Boise so the reality is, D and I are on the front lines so to speak.   Dealing with all of that is stressful and make him miss his mom. 

As to me and the kids, the kids have been struggling with some minor behaviors that I'd like to nip in the bud.  One's experimenting with lying.  Another with disrespectful attitudes and body langugage. 

I've been working a fair amount which is good but also means feeling a bit like I'm flying by the seat of my pants.  Healthwise, my kids and myself are kind of going back and forth between "I've got a nose full of snot and feel like crap" and "I'm fine".

It's just been kind of a long last few weeks.  And what I realized was that I have spent a lot of time being upset that others have not made my life easier.  I have not been a very good helpmate to D.  I've focused a lot on how wrong he is or how great his needs are.  This week I'm working hard to love him better.  To love him with little messages like "I heart u" written in the palm of his hand, like we did when we were dating and first married.  To love him by catching him before he leaves for work and asking him what I can pray for today.  To love him by doing small things for him like stopping by with ice cream before the art show he had on Tuesday. 

What I do you cannot do; but what you do, I cannot do.  The needs are great and none of us, including me, ever do great things.  But we can do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful."  Mother Theresa