In the past few weeks, we've dealt with what looks like some anxious attachment in Kenson. Or at least what I think is anxious attachment. It's hard to say 'cause he's two. Two year olds like to do their own things, ya know! I do think almost all toddlers/infants go through phases of being anxious regarding their parents and separation from them. But the mom in me says it's not entirely normal toddler drama.
He has been refusing to go to Sunday school or nursery the past 3 weeks in a row. When we first came home, we started out going with him and after a few weeks, he was totally content to go by himself. But a few weeks back, totally out of the blue, we had drama when it was time for me to go. So I coddled him a bit and thought it might have been the teacher whom he didn't know very well or the fact that we had just had a wild week with too many late nights. Next week, same story. This week, ditto. I've tried staying until he's comfortable and then leaving. I've tried the cut and dry leaving. I've tried standing close to the door and trying to leave him for short segments at a time. D's tried. I've tried. And we get drama. Major drama. Flailing arms. Loud wails. A refusal to let the teacher who is in the room even get close to him all with flailing arms, loud wails, and screams of "No, no!". (You would have thought the teachers were trying to kidnap him. He put up one heck of a fight both times he couldn't get to me. The first time was intentional when I tried to just leave quickly. The second time, silly me thought I could shoot across the hall to get some paper towels to help the teacher out.) So I think we'll be back to just staying in the 2 year old room with him for a while. (Which stinks because I miss Sunday school but there are worse things in life.) I think what bewilders me the most is the mystery of it all. Why he's decided that now he is worried and anxious about us going downstairs, I don't know. But we'll ride the wave and hope it passes, especially for the sake of his little heart which has absorbed so much in the last few months.
A ha!-As I wrote all of this and read some of the comments people had, it suddenly came to me when all of this started. When I spoke at a MOPS engagement, I left Kenson in the nursery there. It was full of strange people and kids and while he didn't throw a huge fit, he was not happy. Counting backwards, it was the Sunday following all this that we started having problems. Makes more sense now. I'm thankful God popped that into my head.
2 comments:
I had two go through this but both were about 13 mo. And both times it was after we'd just moved. Maybe it's normal but since he's older, it's louder and harder to calm him.
It does sound like he's attaching...that's a good thing :)I think the key thing, at least it was for Evan, is the question "will he allow anyone else to comfort him?(or is it time to allow others to comfort him)" In my heart I knew I couldn't leave Evan until we got to this point. Of course if you're not letting anyone else comfort or hold him for attachment,it'll be difficult for someone to comfort him when he's crying. We did this and it got to the point where we were the only 2 that could comfort him...ever. Very Anxious. It's been a long 2 1/2 years, but we can actually leave the childrens church room now. When he does get to crying(he still has axiety about seperation) he will now let the teachers comfort him and he is fine.
It also has a lot to do with how much he can understand too. When Evan turned about 3 1/2, he finally matured enough emotionally and could understand that we were not far and coming back.
Every kid is different, go with your instints and pray a lot. God has enabled us to do exactly what we needed to do for him...
You're a good mommy!
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