Saturday, July 12, 2008

God and Me 6

from I Hate Other People's Kids by Adrienne Frost, published by Headline, October 2006

I must admit there are days when I don't like myself very much. I must also admit there are days when I find myself charming, witty, and lovely and I expect others to see me in the same way. I think more often than not, this last view is the one I find myself having most. My parents raised me to be confident in myself, to do the right thing, to love others. And for that, I am thankful. But I also know that these characteristics mean nothing if they don't flow out of a love for God. I also recognize that it is very easy to get caught up in my goodness and not evaluate my character for the parts of me that are ugly and not so wonderful. Don't get me wrong. God doesn't desire for us to be hunched over and depressed because of who we are nor does He desire that we spend our lives chasing after perfection and then feeling rotten because that is unattainable.

But He does want us to reflect on what aspects of our lives don't show a love for Him or a love for others. I have especially thought about that this week as I have dealt with the frustrations that i have had this week. I do not handle frustration well. I usually expect things to happen quickly and for things not to need to be redone. When that doesn't happen, it is really easy for me to get discouraged and just let my emotions all hang out. Depending on the situation, those emotions can be being short tempered and angry with others, having a crying melt down based on self pity, or giving up on whatever it is that is frustrating me. As I've grown up, I've come to realize that these responses aren't great, and as I've thought about parenting, I've really felt called to do my best to curb my reponses because my gut reponses aren't great examples for my kids. When faced with situations that frustrate me, I have tried to allow God to help me rather than to try to handle it myself. It's trying to fix it myself that creates my frustration and then often leads to me immediately reacting with whatever emotion or action pops into my head or mouth. I need to try to stop and think rather than just reacting with angry words or a waterfall of tears. This deliberate action should lead to a quick conversation with God about what is going on and how He wants me to handle it. It sounds like such a simple thing but its not. This week, I spent a lot of time vomitting emotions out of my mouth and body rather than letting my actions flow out of the way God wants me to live. I also know that acknowledging this I will be more aware of what I say and do in this upcoming week.

Believing that God has given me all I need for godly living...if I choose to tap into it.

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