Holy Crapola!

One part of motherhood that has come as a mildly shocking suprise is the amount of crap your kids get. I don't mean gifts from friends or family or special treats that someone passes out at story time. I mean C-R-A-P, crap. You can hardly go anywhere without someone wanting to give your kids something for no reason what so ever other than the fact that they are a kid. Walmart gives out smiley face stickers. The doctor gives out stickers and toys. (And if you have to get poked a lot, you can get more than one thing!) Almost all kids meals come with some junky little treasure. Even our bank manages to find something for Kenson when we come in. I'm sure I sound like a big meanie but it is no wonder our kids are so into "stuff" and suffer from severe cases of entitlement. Every time they turn around they are bombarded by people giving them something, often with no real reason for the gift.

As a teacher, I didn't teach that way. My students occasionally got rewards, often at unexpected times with no predictable pattern, and always with a clearly explained rationale. Sometimes I gave out "just because" treats because I don't think kids have to feel like their behavior is always tied to the way someone expresses love for them. Often I rewarded kids with extra adult time because that is truly what they are craving. (Like reading a story to another teacher's puppet or eating lunch with me.) In fact, if we played a game or had good behavior in class, my kids quickly learned not to ask, "Can we get candy for that?" Asking for rewards was a sure way to not get a darn thing! My teaching style is pretty to the point so I often just told kids it was rude to ask for a treat when playing a game or when you receive a compliment.

And I hope as a parent, I don't parent in a way that focuses on extrinsic motivators like candy and toys as rewards for good behavior. Are such motivators necessary? At times. But they are way overused by teachers and parents. (For the record, I aim to keep it a secret that kid's meals come with toys for as long as I possibly can.)

I guess I just wish people thought about what message all those freebies send to kids. That we have to be surrounded by stuff? That we deserve treats at every moment? That temporary delights are of high importance? That toys should be cheaply made, do stupid weird things, and really have no point except for inticing you into buying a specific meal at a fast food resteraunt?

It especially saddens me when I consider how much our culture freely doles out and how much corporations spend to come up with these gimmicks. I often wonder if those same individuals or corporations are as cheerful and generous when it comes to the real needs of children.