God has a funny way of knowing exactly what you need. Today was no exception. I have not worked for 10 straight days now. Actually longer than that, now that I think about it. I've been stuck at home. And I've been sick for three or four of those days. So I've spent a lot of time with no energy or without something to do other than clean. (Yuck! If I haven't ever shared, I dislike cleaning. To clarify, I enjoy cleanliness but that's as far as it goes. I am not one of those people who get a kick out of vacuuming or who feels a sense of accomplishment over a well polished faucet.) It was discouraging. When I resigned, I knew that I would have times before Kenson came home where I felt discouraged about not working but that doesn't mean I really am ready to embrace them. Anyway, I have thought a lot about Conleigh and Kenson over the last few weeks and have really wished we were finished with both processes.
I have missed Conleigh fiercely. She absolutely loved having us there and basically just fell asleep in my arms every single time I picked her up. Holding her meant her sleeping way too much so I often had to put her down just to keep her awake. And she would cry and cry and cry. Those tears were seriously haunting me last week. And Kenson...well I spent most of last week feeling badly over how long this has taken. I was frustrated over the lack of progress that we seem to have made in the last three month, I was frustrated in things not moving more quickly than they have, I was frustrated over other families being home and together while we are not.
So today, I think God just decided to show me how Sovereign He is. The first song during church was Blessed Be the Name which has truly been my anthem song as we've tried to adopt for the last five years. The message today was on Hebrews 11:1-16 which is a chapter all on faith. Our minister reminded me of some wonderful truths about God. Like that relationships must have trust and obedience to be authentic. And that my relationship with God is no exception. And that the essence of faith is believing that God's plans are better than any possible alternatives. And then today, while I was researching some things for the Bible study I teach, God showed me a video with several passages from Psalms 139. In the last two years, I have prayed Psalms 139 over both of my kids often because it reminds me so much of God's presence in their lives even in my absence.
So God showed up. He reminded me today of how much He cares, of how well He has all of this covered, of how He is at work even when I don't see it. Today was not a tear free day, but it was a day where God saw my bare heart and where He responded like a Father who loves His daughter and wants her to know that it all is going to be okay.
3 comments:
I like your lists along the side of the blog. Are you reading Purpose Driven Life one each day or one each week? Our whole family is doing it a chapter a week. We go to the park or beach to read it. I post that on
http://casselcrew.blogspot.com.
I am teaching a women's Bible study based on The Purpose Driven Life. So I have a schedule to follow that meant starting the book the end of September and ending in mid December. Some weeks, we've had a lot of pages to read. Our couples small group actually did the whole book awhile back so I've read it once before.
There are SO many days of struggle and victory in this process. Good days and really hard days. I hate the waiting but it is so good to hear all the victorious stories of those quiet moments when we feel closer to our Father because He is the One who is our comfortor. God Bless you two on this journey!
Post a Comment