Monday, April 30, 2012

The Week in Numbers Plus My Martha Heart

4 snakes that I saw while working outside today.  That's not unusual but last year, I saw so few that I was hoping our snake situation had somehow resolved itself.  Alas, it has not.  (And yes, this is completely random.)

3 errors or sort of errors that I made in trying to get our dossier out of my house and to the right people so it can go to China.  Long story short but 1. I had the courier send it to the wrong place which was rectified before it was actually sent out 2. I omitted my payment in one envelope and had to redo the envelope and the payment. 3. Realized I left out the passport photos after returning to my car from mailing one set of items.  The words "You are dossier to China." will be a welcome relief.

2 kids who just are plain tired and stretched too thin.  Between late night soccer games, late suppers when D gets home, traveling for a few weekends, and a time change, it has just been too many changes for them.  I often think they should just be able to bounce back from changes to their schedules but the reality is they just don't.  This weekend was the first weekend in a long time that felt almost back to normal and their behavior was so much better.  (However, two of the errors on my dossier could be attributed to a lovely tantrum one of my threw in a home improvement store.  Of course, we visited there right before we Fed Exed the dossier and while I was really calm and collected, I was still a smidge miffed at my child who refused to get in the cart, ran down the aisle from me, and then made me carry him/her all the way across the parking lot while screaming about how painful it was to be carried.  I can't say I was embarrassed just annoyed that my 5 year old was acting like a 3 year old.  So perhaps my irritation might have contributed to the two items that were left out?)

1 tired and crabby Mama who is easily annoyed by the above discussed children.  "C'mon, kids, can you help me out?" has kind of been my mantra.  I'd much rather place blame with them than with my own impatience.  And really, even though I have been impatient, some of it has just been weariness as the same old behaviors from children have worn on me.  (Can I get a "just say no to sassiness and whining" cheer?)

0 more days of waiting for the financing for our construction loan on our new house to come through.  It has officially been approved so that is one thing that will hopefully be vacating my brain.  Now if we can finish up the sale of D's grandma's house, get our house ready to go back on the market, get this China adoption thing done, and manage the normal routine of life...

I think as I have prayed today I have also realized how very little I have prayed about some of these major things.  I have a journal with several pages set aside just for prayer requests (a page for each kid and my husband, a page for the children of friends, a page for ministries, a page for myself, a page for our family decisions, a page for intercession for those around us).  I also use that journal to record my thousand gifts (from the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp) which is basically a list of the small joys that I see every day which are really gifts from God.  So it seems like I often run through those things and then dash off a quick prayer about having a spirit filled heart and then maybe a prayer about one item off of my "Major Stressors" list.

But to just sit and have prayed about those big items?  To really have taken the time to rest in God as I wait on those things?  To invest more than a few moments and more than the usual words I usually say?  I am noticing more and more that I have not done that.  Part of it is that I like to be busy with other things.  And part of it is that it takes time and effort to be present with God.  It is much easier to do a routine than to do a relationship.  I am thankful that routines can help relationships forge on when things are busy or hard.  I am a big believer in practicing who we want to be which is mostly about our habits and routines.

But I also know that my heart needs more than the routine.  How stubborn I can be when it comes to choosing to sit in silence or choosing to meditate on His words.  I need to soak it in, be it silence or Scripture, to be a Mary at the feet of Jesus even if there are lots of urgent (and not so urgent but highly preferred) tasks.  To choose what is better.

"41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  Luke 10:41-42

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