Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Sacred Scared...from Momastery

"Listen. During the past two years, I’ve met a lot of people who ARE following their dreams and serving and a lot of people who are NOT – because they are waiting till things get better or different first.

Here is the thing that the two groups have in common:  NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT SHE’S DOING. None of the people in either of the two groups. The people who are running the world and the people who are sitting life out are exactly the same. They are all messy, complicated, confused people who are unsure of what to do next. They all have messy relationships and insecurities and anger and blind spots. They are ALL AFRAID.
Here is the difference between the two groups: The Dream Followers and Servers believe that it’s okay to be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyway. The second group believes that folks who show up have to be fabulous and perfect. So they’re waiting to get perfect. They are spending their lives IMPROVING instead of just showing up as they are. They are waiting till they’re “ready.” And the thing is that they will be waiting forever and ever, amen. Because all the good and all the beautiful in the world is created by people who show up before they’re ready."  From Momastery
I think maybe is one of those areas of life that I sort of have right:  more often than not, I have the perspective to see that most people have their own secret fears and their own messes and that my fears and messes really aren't that different than anyone else's.  But what I especially like about Glennon's words are that she connects this perspective with risk taking.  
Because I sometimes think people view me as a natural risk taker.  Because we've adopted.  Because we've traveled on mission trips.  Because I have 4 kids.  Without puffing myself up with delusions of grandeur via the opinions of others, it is a comment I have had actually heard from others.  That we are brave.  Or that we are somehow calmer or less furious in our actions than others and somehow more qualified to do certain tasks.  
The reality is I am not a risk taker by nature.  In fact, I am very much the opposite.  I wish I could tell you all the ways I am the anti risk taker.   I like the routine; spontenaity is not my friend.  I want a plan at most every moment.  I am a homebody who often avoids things with large crowds because I hate the thought of weaving in and out of people, finding parking, and getting lost.  I chose a small college because I knew a lot of people who were going there, because I wanted the small college feel, and because I wouldn't have to worry so much about finding my classes or making new friends.  I cried on my first trip overseas.  And my second.  Because I was out of my element and thought I surely had no business being on such a trip.  I hate any activity that requires being the center of attention if there is a chance I might look foolish.  (If it's something I'm confident in, I'm perfectly comfortable.)  But something random like karaoke or a weird party game and I pretty much want to hide.  
All of those things might not seem connected but they are.  They all are about being able to take some type of a risk and potentially fail.
Yet, I've somehow managed to do some things that others see as pretty risky.  Because of exactly what Glennon wrote.  Because the things in my life that are pretty big risks seem worth the risks and because they seem worth it, I'm willing to show up anyway.  Even though I don't have it all together.  Even though I might make a mistake.  Even though it is uncomfortable or might have huge ramifications for my life.  The risks that I've taken were important to me, especially in light of living on this side of eternity, and so worth looking foolish or failing.  I guess I've always figured if I made a mess of those things, that my messes wouldn't be any more messy than anyone else's.  And that if they were, that at least my mess would be a part of trying to live a life rooted in leaving a legacy of His love, of being a flawed but steady testament to Who He is.

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