Saturday, June 29, 2013

A Question of the Tummy

"Mom, did you want to have a baby in your tummy?"

The first time I heard this question a few months back I paused a moment and wondered how on earth to answer that question honestly.  Because this pregnancy was a surprise and has been a challenge in a lot of ways.  I would never want to give any of my children the impression that they or a sibling was unwanted.  But the truth is that prior to getting pregnant, I had not been sitting around dreaming up names for a new baby or wistfully imagining life with a new baby.  So I hodge podged some answer together and hoped it was sufficient.

But then yesterday, the same child asked the same question again.

"Mom, did you want to have a baby in your tummy?"

That prompted a flicker from the lightbulb in my head and the thought that maybe the question was not about me.  (Gosh, how quickly I make it all about me!)  That perhaps this question was about a little person who was processing this pregnancy in a different way than me.

"Hmmm....sounds like maybe you are wondering if I wasn't happy with the kids I had?   Like maybe I wasn't happy that the kids I had grew in someone else's tummy?"

This brought out a quick shake of a head, a little too quick to be an honest response.  

"Are you sure that you aren't wondering if Mama was wishing for a baby that grew in her tummy?"

That prompted a sheepish look and a half smile, a response that seemed more truthful.

Oh how to explain that we chose adoption, that each one of our kids was a very personal response to the question of "how to make a family."?

"You know, we chose to do adoption.  Not because I couldn't have a baby that grew in my tummy but because we knew there were lots of kids who needed families.  And if we knew that there were kids who needed families and we had love to give those kids, then it seemed like the right choice to adopt a kid."

"You decided that?"

"Me and Papa decided together because that's how it works when you are married."

"Oh.  But sometimes you argue."

And yeah, now we're on to a totally new topic....

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