The Fix Is Not On

The past few days my heart has just felt discouraged.  Too many situations that my heart wants to fix and a fix is not necessarily available.  My middle class, American self is used to there always being a fix.  The reality is that there are somethings in life that don't have a fix.  Here's what is weighing on my heart:

As many of you know, D is head soccer coach for a group of high school boys.  He has had this job for for about 5 years.  It is an interesting job, one he loves.  It involves a lot more than just coaching.  He deals with the usual teenage boy stuff like egos and no motivation to do school work.  He also has more unique struggles.  Like kids who speak no English.  And kids who are getting in trouble with the law.  And kids who are chronic underachievers because they do not believe they have any potential other than to work at a packing plant.  What we've seen is that it is important for us to view this as a ministry.  The boys need investment at a personal level.  They need a husband and wife interact in positive, God honoring ways.  They need to see us parent our children according to Godly principles.  And for many of them, they need to see D as a positive male role model as many of them are dealing with absentee fathers.  So we have boys over often, for supper, to watch soccer games on tv, to play soccer in our neighbor's huge back yard. We send happy notes home to encourage boys regarding their strengths and to consider that they were created for a purpose.  We ask about grades, we ask about girlfriends, we ask and ask and ask about their lives.  But what is killing me is that we are unable to do much of anything to get them to college, to get them into decent jobs, to help them find their way once they graduate high school.  In most normal situations, when you see a kid who is struggling to find their place in the world, you have some ways to encourage them.  But in our situation, we are dealing with a handful of kids who came to this country illegally, through choices made by their parents, and once they graduate from high school, will be faced with limited choices as they do not have the required paperwork to go to college (because they are inelligible for any type of financial aide and are not able to work legally to put themselves through college).  They are also unable to legally work at a job.  In case you are wondering, it is not quite as simple as just saying, "well go fill out the paperwork and get a greencard."  It is beyond frustrating.  And we are currently facing a situation with a kiddo who is living in a less than stellar place with relatives rather than his parents, who will soon be graduating, who we wish we could help.  I feel completely perplexed as to what the best way to love this kiddo is.  I know what I would do if immigration issues were not in the way.  It is certainly feeling like every option I think of (for him and for other boys) is not all that feasible. 

Enter situation number two.  D and I have been trying to sort out what direction God might have us head in terms of adding to our family.  A month or so ago, there were two Haitian kids listed on a special needs waiting child website.  I decided to inquire even though we don't meet the age requirements for Haiti, thinking maybe if we were doing a special needs adoption, they might feel like we could be approved.  When D got home, I told him what I had done and he was excited.  (He has never been excited about any other opportunity that I have presented to him so far so this was a big deal.  And it also confirmed in our hearts that we were still very much connected to Haiti.)  I contacted the agency and basically got a big old no.  As things would be, both children were actually at Kenson's orphanage so I decided I'd contact the president of the group that supports the orphanage and get her thoughts.  She was in Haiti when I contacted her so she said she'd get back to me.  Secretly, I was hoping perhaps this little guy would qualify for a medical visa and we could be his host family and sort out the adoption details later.  Today she emailed me back saying they had already been denied a medical visa and that she also was praying for the laws to change so more people could adopt.  Essentially, a big old no. 

My heart does not like the no part.  I want to fix it.  In my mind, it seems like if there is a need, than the best way to love others is to fix the need.  (I do also realize that sometimes that isn't true, especially when you are talking about a different culture or if different socio economic issues exist.  Sometimes it can be very unhelpful to meet the need.)  That said, I can't fix the needs I mentioned before.  When the walls preventing you from meeting the need are restrictions put out by the federal government, your options in fixing it are pretty limited.  Sometimes, there just isn't a fix.  Or at least not the fix that I want.   More of Him, less of me, I suppose.