The Question

Is this adoption related or is this normal? 

I think that is the question every adoptive parent finds living at the edge of their brain.  (Or it might just be me.  I have a tendancy to get thing in my head and hang onto it.  Some people call it stubborn or not flexible...)   

This week has been one of those weeks where I've wondered that a lot.  We've been battling sickness for a month or so now.  Nothing major.  Just runny noses and some coughs.  But they don't seem to want to leave.  I just had the kids at the doctor in the middle of October for the same thing so I was reluctant to go back so quickly since last time it was chalked up to allergies.  The doctor advised using an allergy medicine from April to November so I did that and things seemed to clear up.  Once November arrived, I stopped with the medicine and I'm thinking that was a mistake.  We've got the same stuff now but it seems a bit worse.  Anyway, I digress...

My kids have been tired and crabby.  One of them has been especially that way.  There have been two pretty major melt downs that each lasted for 30 minutes or so.  Defiance.  Refusing to sit in a time out spot or with a grown up for extra cuddle time.  Lots of overreacting to very small things.  Today, after seeing a melt down coming, I asked this kiddo to sit with me.  I was met with refusal.  Child is forced to sit with me.  Child screams, kicks, fights me, etc..  Child then is placed in bedroom.  I sat down on the floor of this room, next to the child, waiting for calm. 

Finally some calm and a time for conversation. 

"It seems like you don't feel very good and that you are really tired?" 

"It seems like when you get tired and sick, that little things like Play-Dough start turning into big things.  And that big things that have been hidden in your heart start making you feel sad and mad." 

"Everyone has times where little things make us crabby or sad or mad." 

"I think you've got some pretty big things in your heart that might make you feel that way too.  Like that your Mama in Haiti left you and didn't come back for you." 

"It makes my heart sad that your heart hurts like that.  But you know what?  God saw all of that.  He saw a baby who needed a mama and a mama who needed a baby and He figured out a way to put them together.  He saw something that was a sad thing and He will turn it into something good."

Lots of tears from a kiddo who really has not verbalized too much about the losses in life. 

Who knows if it's adoption stuff or just preschooler angst or just a tired and worn down kid.  But it never hurts to cover all your bases and it surely helps to build a foundation of feeling like one can share anything with their parents.