God and Me-If Onlys

Lately, I've been living with a lot of "if onlys."

"If only our house would sell..."
Our house has now been on the market almost 14 months. We have not had even one vaguely interested party. We have not had anyone even view it in probably 3 months. It's not just our house. Our neighbor is trying to sell her house and is having the same problem. Our realtor actually advised us against dropping our price anymore because she honestly believes our price is not the issue. Open houses are just busts; not one person attends. We thought we maybe had something worked out with a guy who was flipping a house and had offered to buy ours. But then when we met and talked it turns out he was wanting to give us next to nothing for our house and sell the house he had for a pretty decent amount. Not going to work for us. Where we are at right now, while not "under water" on what we owe, we are definitely not going to get out of the house what we've invested into it. To add to my feelings on our house, since last fall, we have just been consistently hit with high dollar repairs for the house. Every repair means more money into the house and less money in our pocket if we sell it. There are also several updates we'd like to do to our house if we were staying but since we're moving, we've avoided those investments. Like a great backyard play space. And some kind of change that would make our kitchen more functional. Things that just leave me unhappy on kind of a surface level, even though I know they are not the end of the world. To add to all of that, because of the way we purchased our house and financed some improvements, we could definitely benefit from a refinancing. But again, that only makes sense if you are staying put.

"If only our budget wasn't quite so tight..."
Staying home is important to me. I chose to quit my job because I felt like I could always go back to work but I couldn't undo the choice of keeping my job quite as easily. But staying at home has meant living on a tight budget. One that I had hoped to supplement by subbing. But in the last 18 months since I've been home, I have had kids who have needed me to not sub as they transitioned to family life. 18 months as a stay at home mom but I've really only been able to work for 6 out of those 18 months. Again, moving would be one of those things that might help us out. Less gas money, perhaps a different mortage payment, maybe those things would help. And while I am hoping to get to sub this fall, I'm finding myself trying to arrange daycare for the kids and just not having things fall into place. Mainly because it's harder to find someone who is willing to watch kids for less than 20 hours a week. It's very tempting to just feel like things would be easier if I committed to working more, even though I know that's probably not best for me or my kids.

"If only the constant stream of unexpected bills would stop..."
Since last fall, we have found ourselves dealing with just a constant flow of bills. Derek's truck conked out. We chose to use our cash on hand to buy him a new truck as he has to have something to drive the 30 or so miles he drives every day. Because of the commute, we felt like we needed to buy something with fewer miles which of course translates to more expensive. We've had plumbing issues, furnace issues, and chimney issues. We had an unexpected week long trip to Florida. We now have adoption expenses as Conleigh's orphanage is requesting payment to off set their costs and we have to figure out a way to finish up Conleigh's adoption. We've just seen our "cash reserves" dwindle.

For some reason, I've just felt all of this just really deeply this week. Maybe our busy weeks and not enough sleep. Maybe the dashed hopes of having our house sold and a new house bought. Maybe just Satan and his ability to distract and deceive.

But today, I was reading The Power of a Positive Mom, the chapter I read was apparently just what I needed to read. The author very specifically talked about the "if onlys", the things we wish were different because if they were, we'd be happy. We all know that thinking like that just results in unhappiness because even if something does change, we quickly find a new source of discontentment and set our mind on it. The reality is "if onlys" are simply opportunities, opportunities to trust God. I found myself writing out my "if onlys" today and then taking those worries and rephrasing them as opportunities to trust God.

"A house that has not sold is an opportunity to trust God."

"A tight budget is an opportunity to trust God."

"Unexpected expenses are opportunities to trust God."

I don't know when or if our house will sell. I don't know if our budget will gain some income. I don't know if the unexpected bills will stop coming. All I can be concerned with is my attitude as I approach them. Praying that I will be reminded of God's viewpoint as I deal with life's "if onlys"...