The Beautiful Season

Soccer is fondly known as "the beautiful game" so I suppose it's fitting to dub the actual spring soccer season as the beautiful season.  The reality is it's more like the crazy season around here.  And today is the official start of D's soccer season.   For us, it means D getting home later, staying out late on game nights, and sitting in the indecisive Nebraska weather which may send snow or freezing rain into the month of April.  For D, it means getting organized, longer hours, and the renewed desire to coach his team to wins. 

Yesterday, we went to the last indoor soccer game that the boys were playing in during the off season.  I took the kids to the bathroom and when I returned, a former player had arrived to watch the game too.  He greeted me with "I was wondering if you were here" and a warm hug.  A 20 year old Hispanic guy who was genuinely glad to see this 30 something, whiter than white mom.  That sounds like such a trivial thing but it is such a positive moment to stick into my mind as the season starts.  (Especially because it can be tempting to complain when D is working 10 hour days on a regular day and 12 hour days on game days.)  We coach because we believe we can change lives.  We welcome kids into our home because we believe we can model a positive marriage and positive parenting.  We coach because we believe we can encourage kids to rethink their thoughts on life, to live up to the potential they have and to find the purpose they were created to have.

Trust and Comfort-How Then Should We Pray?

Last week, I wrote about wishing God would make things clearer in my life and how that kind of runs in contrast with the Biblical truth of truth and faith.  I want comfort.  I want stability.  I want the assurance of saying "This is what God has for me.  See how it lines up neatly and how easily I can follow His leading."  Instead, what I have is a variety of paths, forking in many direction.  Instead what appears to be in front of me are lots of roads that appear to simply drop off once you start walking on them, with no visible end point.

While I've spent most of my time this week in James and Galatians, this video was part of my worship on Friday morning.  Oh how I appreciate the juxtaposition of praying for things that make us feel comfortable and steady with praying for things that make us stronger and wiser.  It's more on the long side (8 minutes or so) but well worth the watch, especially if you are questioning what God has for you or why God isn't clearer in what He is asking you to do.  And then just for good measure, head over  here.  (Another thing God placed in my path this week, all about the land of Inbetween and God's pupose in that place, which nicely crisscross across the idea of how should we pray.)

Hello Morning!

I wrote a few weeks ago about craving some stillness and quiet with God.  Truth be told, sometimes the thought of that is completely irritating.  I'm a goer, a doer,  mixed with some major dreamer.  I don't always like the thought of sitting still and waiting, of soaking in God's goodness.  To be honest, sometimes it feels like a waste of time because I would rather be accomplishing something or at very least, doing a leisure activity that I would like to do.  But a few weeks ago, that was what I was craving.

Then this week, I decided to commit to doing a challenge from the Inspired to Action blog.  I had actually known about the Maximize your Mornings Challenge for awhile.  The challenge is about getting up before your kids to start your day with God and to organize your day.  But for me, a person who loves to sleep and whose children are always up early (as in I have one who I don't think has ever slept any later than maybe 7:30 on maybe a handful of times), the challenge of carving out extra time in your morning was unappealing.  Getting up before my kids are up would require probably getting up at 6.  I would rather be poked with sticks and prodded with hot metal.  The other problem I have is that I have no set schedule.  My work schedule is erratic.  My kids go to preschool three days a week and I am available to sub those days.  But sometimes I work and sometimes I don't.  And getting up and getting things accomplished even when you don't have to be to work is a challenge for me.  Anyway, the general jist is I'm a bit lazy.

But for some reason something changed in me.   My heart's been a bit softer about it.  And I actually looked at what the challenge was about and realized there were accountability groups on Twitter dedicated to other women encouraging you to do the challenge.  And for some reason, it seemed more doable.  I don't tweet so I've instead decided to join the Facebook group for Inspired to Action which also has a group of women who are getting on in the mornings and encouraging each other.  The Facebook page also has encouragement of other sorts like prayer ideas, worship songs, etc..  I haven't had time to read through the ebook that goes with the challenge.

If you're looking for a way to perk up your morning, completely rewrite your morning, or just some accountability to get going in the morning, check out the challenge.

Happy President's Day! 

(From two yahoos who probably don't have any idea of why they are wearing beards and hats)

One More Gathered from Afar

My friend, Cate, and her husband, Sean, are currently in a most exciting place.  They are waiting to bring home a sweet baby boy, who is due in a month or so.  I met Cate though our adoption of Kenson.  Their three girls are from the same orphanage as Kenson.  This newest adoption story is such a reminder of how God is at work in even the smallest details.  Their little boy will be born in the U.S. but will be of Haitian descent.   They are currently working on fundraising so I'm of course going to encourage you to come alongside them.  I just wrote a post on adoption fundraising so I won't repeat it but please pray about how your monetary gift might be used by God to write part of little Elijah's story.

Conleigh's 4th Birthday

We're a bit late on the birthday pics but better late than never.  I cannot begin to tell you how excited Conleigh was for her birthday.  She verbally repeated the procedure for handing out snacks many times before she got to take snacks to school.  She went to bed the night before singing "Happy Birthday". 

She was literally overjoyed to celebrate.  Such sweetness.

God and Me-Product vs. Process

I often feel like when I sit down to write my thoughts on what God has been doing in my life, that lately, it seems to center around me sharing my complaints with God.  When I leaf back through my journal, I find that my prayers are often full of question marks and wishing to know what God has planned or wishing that God would act in a certain way. 

I wish our house would sell so we could be closer to my husband's work.

I wish our house would sell so we could be in a different town and able to minister to D's soccer boys in different ways than we do now.

I wish I knew what we will do when we do move:  are we buying a house in town or buying farmland with my folks in a partnership and then building?

I wish I had a consistent part time work schedule.

I wish that each month didn't feel like the extra money was always spent on adoption bills, house repair bills, or medical bills.

I wish that we would have finalized Conleigh's adoption in 2010 so we could claim it on our taxes and anticipate the refund that the adoption tax credit affords.

I wish that we had a strong sense of what direction to head to grow our family.

I wish that we had the money to finance another adoption.

The list often comes back to these same things:  money, our housing situation, our ability to minister through D's job, our ability to grow our family.  Almost always it's those things.  And it has been those things for a while now. 

Many of those things have to do with ministry and calling.  Feeling called by God to use our house in certain ways.  Feeling called by God to parent.  Feeling called by God that D has an incredible sphere of influence through his coaching job.

But at this moment, there are a lot of unknowns.  There are a lot of things that I want to look a certain way because in my mind, if they looked that way, life would be easiser and we could serve God better.  It's frustrating when things that are good, things that are a part of how you believe God would use you get stuck in wait mode. 

I've been there at least once before.  We waited 15 months for Conleigh's files to be released from a Haitian government office.  One office with no movement for 15 months.  It was beyond long.  It was hard to know that her adoption was a good, God ordained thing but to feel like God was silently working in painfully small ways.  It was a struggle at times to pray about it.

And in some ways, that's kind of where I am now.  I feel like we are standing on the brink of good things like an addition to our family or a new home that allows us to do more for God.  We've been standing at that spot quite some time now. 

But what is hard is that God is not a product oriented God. 

He is instead a God of the process. 

He could easily get us from point A to point B.  But instead life detours around point B, stalls out at point C, meanders around points D and E, and eventually ends at point F, a place we didn't even consider going. 

For some reason, I am consumed with the end point but God is fascinated by the middle.  The detours and stalling and meandering are His thing.  Very little is said in the Bible about end points.  Noah on the ark?  No one really knows what the 40 days and 40 nights were really like.  Isrealites in the Promised Land?  Isn't their story mostly about being lost in the desert?  Jonah in Ninavah?  More stormy seas, a big fish, and a complaining prophet than a detailed description of his arrival into town.

It is what we do in those moments of waiting that matters.  It seems to be about our interactions with Him.  It seems to be about dry hearts thirsting for Him, about heavy hearts crying to Him, about yielded hearts continuing before Him, about questioning hearts choosing to question Him.

I don't like this part of life very much.  I don't like feeling like I'm constantly complaining to God about how I would like things to be.  I don't like not knowing what the future holds or having some sense of vision as to what the next steps in our life should be.  I feel like we are heading out blind in a lot of different directions at once and hoping God shows up.  So for now, we wait.  We've thrown our hats into several different rings, so to speak, and so for now, we will just watch and wait.