Anyone else struggle a bit with feeling like you fall short of being spiritual enough for certain holidays? It seems like every Christmas and Easter I find myself feeling disappointed that the holiday snuck up on me and that I frittered away amazing opportunities to bask in the days leading up to such momentous events, that somehow there will be no epiphany, no fireworks in the sky because I have failed to do the spiritual disciplines associated with properly preparing my heart to hear God. My head knows that God doesn't necessarily speak more clearly just because it is Easter or Christmas. My head knows that trying really hard to get to some nirvana like state is foolishness, connected to this innate need to do and earn. Which then kind of crushes me a bit because that is not what Jesus wants from me. He doesn't want someone who is working really hard to be spiritual enough to celebrate. He instead wants my attention, my communion, my meditation, the beats of my heart and the whispers of my breath. He wants people to recognize who He is in history but also who He is today. He wants people who live in awe of the Nativity, in the shadow of the cross, and in the glory of His resurrection, people who choose to live and love because of those three earth altering events.
So I watched "Killing Jesus" on National Geographic. And I read Jen Hatmaker. And I remembered that Jesus called fishermen and prostitutes. That Jesus confused his mother and scared his best friends. That even in the flesh, it was easy for those closest to Him to fight over the inconsequential, to be distracted by things like money and power. That Jesus is the Jesus who finds homeless girls pink purses. That "Jesus is a redeemer, a restorer in every way. His day on the cross looked like a colossal failure, but it was his finest moment. He launched a kingdom where the least will be the greatest and the last will be first, where the poor will be comforted and the meek will inherit the earth. Jesus brought together the homeless with the privileged and said, “You’re all poor, and you’re all beautiful.” The cross leveled the playing field, and no earthly distinction is valid anymore. There is a new “us” – people rescued by the Passover Lamb, adopted into the family and transformed into saints. It is the most epic miracle in history."
(From Jen Hatmaker's, The Easter Conundrum)