Wednesday, May 28, 2008

A Waiting Heart

As we are preparing to head to Haiti, Kenson's room has become the staging area of sorts. It's been his room since December of 2006 when we thought he might get to come stay with us on a medical visa while we worked on the adoption process. As events have transpired, obviously the medical visa did not come about. Thankfully, the heart murmur the doctors were worried about seemed to take care of itself. But since December 2006, his room has been ready. As you might expect, we don't go in there too much. Mostly, it's just depressing.

In fact I read somewhere that hope is the hardest work of waiting. That's true because his room is filled with signs of hope. Clothes ranging from 9 months to 24 months, including clothes I bought with the long end of the time frame in mind are now in danger of not fitting once again. Toys from Christmas that my cousins opened that seemed so developmentally appropriate that now make me think "I hope he won't be too big for that when he comes home." There all signs of the hope we held and the hope that's been deferred.

A lot of the people who read this are not people who are adopting. Some of them have experienced adoption in their own lives but most of them have not. So tonight, as I was starting to rearrange and sort items to take on our Haiti trip, I thought that maybe I'd do a post about the things a waiting heart thinks. So here's my list, chock full of things that my heart has thought. Some are silly and some are sad and some are just downright selfish.

-It has been exactly one year since I held my baby. One year, 365 days. I wonder how many hours that is? How many other moms would dare to say it's been a year since they've held their baby?
-What was it like the day his mom brought him to the orphanage? What was his little brain thinking? Did he cry a lot on that day? Did she? OH God protect his heart.
-And what about Conleigh? She's been with three "moms" so to speak. OH God, protect her heart.
-I wonder who he'll date in high school. Will there be people in our area who wouldn't dare let their daughter date my son?
-Crap! I thought I really wouldn't need to learn Creole. I'm working on Spanish as it is. I don't think I can do Creole too.
-I don't have any pictures of my kids as little bitty babies sleeping on their dad's chest.
-What if Kenson doesn't like soccer?
-Lord, please don't let him move to baby room 2 before he comes home. Just let him stay with Violet. Don't let him switch. (For the record, he's in baby room 2 now.)
-Is it terrible that I've got a whole year's worth of scrapbook pages done for Kenson but none for Conleigh? That second child thing really does seem to be true.
-New pictures from so and so's trip to the orphanage! Is that her? Look at this picture! I think so, no, maybe not, well maybe it is, I wish I could see her whole face, no that's definitely not her. Keep looking.
-Lord, protect and heal their hearts!

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1 comment:

Kathy said...

Okay, the part about Spanish and Creole is too funny. I've always wanted to learn Spanish so last year I took it as a college class. But I don't use it so I'm losing what I learned. AND I'm trying to learn a little practical creole. So I have two sets of flash cards on my desk and two language CDs--one Spanish and one Creole BUT I feel like I'm not learning either (I rarely think about working on them). I can say m' vle manba (I want peanut butter) and yo quiero soda. And that's about it : )